Something Completely Different, Vol. 1

I’m going to talk to you about a problem that has been plaguing humanity since the times of the ancient Greeks and beyond:


Also, about how terrified I am of these without reason.

I realize since I have been on a boat maybe three times, ever, the chances of me being sucked into a maelstrom powerful enough to drag an entire ship under is pretty rare. I also realize the chances of a black hole tearing through our solar system and eating everything inside is pretty slim. The difference between realizing these facts and still being afraid of them is the fact that my skin crawls whenever I think about it or look at one.

Understandably, this is a tough article to write.

It’s really just a random phobia of mine, unlike my discomfort around crowds, which actually has real-life repercussions. The worst it does is make me mildly uncomfortable in the middle of huge bodies of water which, again, has not ever happened. Only time I was so much as on the ocean in a boat was going between the coast and an offshore island, and a maelstrom like that would probably be hard-pressed to form in the space between.

Why you\'re going to die

Above: Why you're going to die

This leaves black holes, really. That isn’t even the picture that gets me. I refuse to steal then reduce the size of the one that gets me. It’s on the Wikipedia page on black holes if you really want to see it, next to some of the scariest shit you can read on the Internet.

That is to say, to the left of the picture of a black hole eating a big yellow star (sound familiar?) it says, and I plagiarize, “The formation of black hole analogs on Earth in particle accelerators has been reported. These black hole analogs are not the same as gravitational black holes, but they are vital testing grounds for quantum theories of gravity.” If you’re bad at science, that means particle accelerators, those things they test monthly at places like MIT, HAVE MADE BLACK HOLES OF DOOM WE’RE ALL DOOMED! Actually, they’ve made, as it says, black hole analogs, which to me is just saying they dodged the serious bullet of creating a micro black hole that would eat us all and our mothers within a period of.. probably a long time, but still. Also, as I was saying before:

“Stellar-mass black holes travel through the Milky Way just like stars. Consequently, they may collide with the Solar System or another planetary system in the galaxy, although the probability of this happening is very small.”


“Significant gravitational interactions between the Sun and any other star in the Milky Way (including a black hole) are expected to occur approximately once every 10^19 years.”

How old is the universe? Are we due!?

“For comparison, the Sun has an age of only 5 × 10^9 years, and is expected to become a red giant about 5 × 10^9 years from now, incinerating the surface of the Earth.”

That’s.. That’s really reassuring. “We’re FAIRLY certain that the sun will turn red and kill us all LONG before a black hole can tear through our solar system and end it on a whim!”



4 Responses to “Something Completely Different, Vol. 1”

  1. Commentary: This is an actual, real fear of mine, but like I hinted at up at the top of the page just one that makes my skin crawl under certain conditions. I actually did some real research (depending on if you’d call several Wikipedia articles “real”) on this several days ago before I wrote the Black Skies update. I came up with the idea to write this between reading that Wiki page, which really does say some terrifying things if you’re into panicking over minuscule chances of catastrophe, and watching a speedrun (playthrough at the fastest speed the person can) of Mortal Combat Mythologies: Sub Zero. The reason is, there’s one level in the game that happens to be a water temple. In two (2) separate places, there just happens to be a whirlpool that causes instant death on Subby if you fall into it. I remember playing the game years ago and those whirlpools even then didn’t really scare me (except the first time when the one rising from the floor really caught me off guard) but they did make me feel uneasy.

    I tried to make this article reasonably funny, if you can’t, ah, see that. I’m honestly not sure how well I’ve done in that regard. I would like comments though! On the site! (To future readers: Ten days in I have not had one comment on the site, which may stem from the fact that I also have approximately four readers.)

    And yes, that picture really is scary and I really didn’t want to look at it too much.

  2. Mitsuki Says:

    Shit, we really are all doomed 0_o.

  3. Selfish Says:

    Oddly enough, the scarier the outer world gets the more sense religion becomes. XD

    I`m going to hold onto those “outrageous” beliefs and understand that there might be a rocky ride still.

    <3 {o} (heart and flower)

  4. Hackzero Says:

    Huh, well, the chances of CERN making a micro black hole are pretty low, and micro black holes, would almost instantly disappear. They are inherently unstable. So no worries there.
    However, there is something to fear in random rips in time and space, and the occasional passing black hole.


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